it's all on and gone -- we're feeling more human now, though last night (she said, oh baby i feel so down) as i cooked my steaknnoodles, never left my pajamas, flipped between oscars and sfu and home movies, never left my pajamas i realized that the source of the angst was:

a. far too much drinking over the weekend
b. far too much game/tv on sunday
c. nobody to call to come sit in pajamas too.

but that's the way the world goes. who's to say who's right anymore?

new cycle of life -- build up, let out, feel guilty. chase new, let out, feel guilty. ashamed of myself. this is personally encoded.

the lesson i learned -- once the bullshit filter is turned off, you start to see a lot of things. and once you...stop filtering your own bullshit, you become yourself again. this is very liberating, and you start to see what might have happened had you gotten too comfortable. i wonder if it goes both ways.... you realize you got very lucky and you make the decision:

to never let yourself get comfortable that quickly again.

because remember what happened last time?