as if anything could top that....

sitting here in the dining room... first time all day not near some sort of circulated or moving air, or being showered with cold water, or outside... just sitting here, the dining room fan is doing double duty in the living room now and just sitting here sweating my ass off. ridiculous. sweating more here now and i don't even feel particularly hot....just dripping.

another near panic attack on this shit. god i have no direction, i have no vision of the future, i have nothing i'm even striving towards... i'm merely working on survival at this point...i need to affect some sort of change but i don't know what the fuck that would be.... honest to god, i was starting to think that maybe this all started the day i rearranged the bedroom furniture. like it's somehow holding me back.

something concrete?

misa's new apartment building, walking into it, filled with bizarre sense of familiarity. not deja vu -- no feeling that i'd been there before, but just an aura of the place...so unable to describe it. then i tell tony about it, mention it's an old hotel in logan square and he knows the building -- it's where phillip lives now. what's that all about?

feel like i can only waste so much time.... maybe the answer will come to me... maybe i'll hit bottom. why am i so lost? never felt this before, i don't think.... coming up on six months single. is that it? where will the answers come from? stay tuned, fearless reader!

same chaotic time...same chaotic channel....