I feel like I haven't slept in days, like I am becoming the narrator of Fight Club, completely sleepless. I feel it in my eyes, my head, my stomach. Everything droops, everything becomes a shadow, a copy of itself.

And I look down at my hands and see that I am mechanically devouring Hershey's Kisses, one after the next. This is done without joy, without pleasure, without even the slightest conscious thought. I wonder what this is doing to me.

I collapse in the bathroom, sitting cross-legged on the floor, wondering how quickly I'd be able to get up if someone were to approach the door, and how I'd be able to explain myself without giving away my secrets.

I tried cashing it in early last night but I think someone was in the apartment above me and the mere suggestion of footsteps created a palpable tension that kept me from falling asleep. It wasn't until after 1 AM that I managed to fall asleep, all my glances at the clock eliciting quiet oaths.

I had a bad dream -- something about passports and trouble with the law -- and I woke up at 3:30 and felt the relief of realizing it was only a nightmare and that my life didn't have the complication that the dream promised, but immediately after that, realized that I was about to have another night of not enough sleep and the relief vanished. I spent the next five minutes trying to recall the details of my dream and then the next thing I knew, it was 7:30.